A Thought on Memories and Friendship

When you can’t quite come up with the words.

Isn’t it funny how the human mind is capable of overcoming memories? Memories which are the same ones that brought you pain-staking anxiety in a mindset before. I’ve lived with memories I loved for years at a time. Then, things happen in life and the memories which were so fond yesteryear are hardly strong enough to recall today.

I’d like to think that is because other memories have taken their place. In some instances, that is the case. Some good memories, some bad memories, and some memories which I think I could never begin to forget; just like the memories which have been forgotten to the new memories.

It seems every year on the road is a year which can’t be topped. The friends, the thrills, the fulfillment; it keeps getting better and better and every year is a year I will always remember. But as the years collect, I seem to forget.

I don’t forget the experiences. I don’t forget the stories which I’ve told countless times over the years. What I forget is the feelings which evoked the emotions in the memories. I don’t feel as attached to the memories as I did. It doesn’t feel like my life anymore.

I combat this by listening to songs, looking at old photographs, and watching home videos of the times. The ones that elicit the most emotion are not the photos in front of the majestic temples or underneath the Eiffel Tower.

The real heart-stoppers are the photos of our group sitting on some random couch of a flat-share we had for a period. The videos which tell of the times — which stop time — and tell a moment.

I could write words to fill a page about a memory, but it doesn’t mean it invokes the emotion. I’d like to start writing my emotions in words to remember those. I want to feel what I can’t remember so I can always conjure the feeling again; whether it’s healthy for my well-being or not.

One question I consistently ask myself to keep myself in check is what I would do on my last day. If today was your last day, how would you spend it? Would you cry? I would. I would feel regret for no other reason than the fact I have no more life to spend. No more reminiscing. No more friendships.

Friendships are so heavy to me. I would love to write about them, but I don’t think I can put words to the friendships I’ve made so far.

I love my life, but not because of the places I’ve been or things I’ve seen. I love the people who have made my life so rich with the greatest memories which I don’t need to remember because I remember they exist.